Andras Schiff's Bach makes me want to puke

This is a performer who supposedly lists Edwin Fischer as an inspiration for his Bach-playing?! This has got to be the most prissy, light tap-dancing, soft-rock version of Bach that I've ever heard. Where's the fire? The rhythmic lines, the drive? The actual emotion?? I suppose if I was a royal courtier at some prissy ball and this was playing in the background, it might feel right. Then again, I'D BE PUKING and would rather have my eyes poked out with red hot coal irons than volunteer to go to a prissy ball with this type of music being played in the background. It might be accurate, but it sucks. Hey, there's a reason why after Bach died nobody played his music for almost a century. This type of playing is archaic and died out for natural reasons (which is why this whole period movement is extremely silly except for academic purposes). Bach was resurrected during the romantic era, when people were discovering how to express themselves emotionally through music, that is how it connected with people. It needs to be played that way, not as cute, light-hearted background music.

I'll stick to Fischer and Gould, thank you very much.